Stuff I’ve learned (Raquel)

I was telling a friend that it seemed like I’d learned stuff over the past few years of my life, but it was hard to tell it to anyone because it just seemed trite and obvious when I tried to put it into words. On further reflection, everything I’ve learned is still true, even if everyone’s heard it before. So, hey, maybe I could a blog post out of it anyway. In no particular order:

Sometimes it feels like God brought you this far, but then just ditched you, or maybe forgot about you. It’s not true. Both halves of this matter. Of course it’s not true–but it still really feels like that sometimes. On the other hand, after Jesus came to earth, with all the humilition and hurt that implies, died a slow and painful death for your sins, brought you through all the pain so far, slowly making you more like Him and teach you more about Him, did He really just leave you behind now? No. Just no.

It’s not about what you feel like, it’s about obeying anyway. It feels like I have always known that my emotions are not supposed to be the basis for my life. What God says is far more reliable than what I feel like at a given moment. But somehow, for a lot of my life, I expected that to mean that I would ‘feel’ a drive to obey and love God whether I felt like it or not. Some Sunday mornings it ‘feels’ like I’m failing to worship properly because I’m distracted and don’t ‘feel’ worshipful like I’m supposed to. So I try to pull my attention back to the service when I notice its wandering, and settle for knowing that every word of praise I’m singing is true, whether I’m ‘feeling’ it at the moment or not.

Trying really hard isn’t good enough. Only God can change your heart. This is lifted straight from a sermon Pastor B preached while he was visiting a couple years ago, but I think that still counts as having learned it. :-) This is where I start to get lost in my own words, because everything I said about doing your best to obey when it doesn’t feel like it’s working is still true. But it’s also true that really, it’s not working, it’s not going to, and you just have to wait patiently while God slowly makes you more like Jesus. While you’re doing your best to obey. At this point I decide: Life is mysterious. Deal with it.

Yes, God really does know better than you do. Yeah, all those great plans I had for getting married at eighteen and being the world’s greatest farmwife/homemaker/homeschool-mom? I would have failed horribly, been miserable, and probably made everyone around me miserable. Spending the last five years getting the above three points drilled into my head was much better than the way I wanted my life to go. Still working on embracing the fact that this presumably means that God knows better about my life right now, and therefore my current life is better all around than the way *I* want it to go.

So, there. Yay for me, I learned all the obvious things I thought I knew already. Well, probably not *all* of them yet. :-)

Oh, and also don’t open van doors when there are fragile things on the other side that might have shifted while you were driving and be ready to fall out. That’s an important one too…

Agora and Freedom (Gabrielle)

Our playtesting group was recently testing a roleplaying game called Agora. You each play a faction who made it to the planet Agora during a big war. As soon as you get there the orders come through that there’s been a truce of sorts so just stay where you are and try to build a colony on Agora. The meat of the game is watching a civilization grow. Seeing how short term decisions now effect the way your people think and act far in the future. Watching the slow change of ideal and values as your people interacts with the planet and the task of building something to last.

It was a cool game. We didn’t play it to the end because it was a very long game and because it wasn’t a good fit for everyone. But I found the concept of the slow growth and change of a culture intriguing.

Shortly after we ended the game I was at the library poking around for books I hadn’t read yet that I’d enjoy. I found myself in the fiction section staring at a shelf of Anne McCaffrey books. I’ve liked just about everything I’ve read of hers. I found a book called Freedom’s Landing that looked fun and interesting. So why not? I got it out, started it and then devoured it.

The time is about now. Aliens called Catteni have invaded Earth using their usual tactic of simply taking several entire cities as slaves and expecting this to keep the rest of the populace in line. Our main character is Kris Bjornsen, a student in Denver who got picked up in one of the first slave runs. She and several hundred other slaves from several different races get dropped onto an uninhabited planet to see if it would make for a good Catteni colony. That’s how they colonize, see. They just drop slaves onto the world with rudimentary tools and keep checking in to see if they survive.

The ex-slaves do more than survive on the strange planet. Someone takes charge and makes everyone work together. They quickly become a well-organized community with everybody pitching in to make life work. The leader, an ex-sergeant named Chuck Mitford, figures out what people are good at and assigns them jobs accordingly. He manages to knit together Humans and the two alien races that stayed with the Humans into one group that trusts each other. He and Kris even manage to keep the one Catteni that got dropped with them alive long enough for him to prove his usefulness and trustworthiness.

It was awesome. I finished the first book and immediately went looking for the next. It was just the story I’d wanted to see play out in Agora. Now that basic survival is taken care of where will the civilization go? Will they stay united when life gets more comfortable? Will they be able to build something that will last?

So I started the second book, Freedom’s Choice. And was horribly disappointed. Not because it wasn’t what I’d been hoping for. It was exactly what I’d been hoping for, but Anne McCaffrey knows more about these things than I do.

The second book picks up just a bit after the first one ends. There are several thousand people on the planet now because the Catteni have figured out that it’s very habitable. People are beginning to spread out over the planet. And the politics start.

The group is bigger, much bigger than the first group Sgt. Mitford took command of. He’s still doing an excellent job, but now there are more people in leadership, more people with a say in what happens. More people to appease and explain to and play off each other. The politicians have showed up and the games have begun. And because Kris is close to the heart of things we have front row seats.

I stopped reading after the fourth chapter. It was too frustrating. I much preferred the first book when they had to figure out what indigenous monster would eat them. I much preferred it when the Deski were almost dying because of a severe mineral deficiency they couldn’t figure out. In Agora terms I really liked the Descent and Survival stages, but couldn’t get into the next stage.

Anne McCaffrey understands people and how they think. As soon as there is an opportunity for power there is someone standing by to try to seize it. This means infighting which is something I just can’t stand. If you’ve got enemies on the outside then why fight amongst yourselves? If you’ve got more than enough to fret about in the area of aerial bombardment then why play politics?

Who knows, maybe I’ll pick the books back up at some point. When I’m older and more cynical perhaps. And hey, maybe I’ll play Agora all the way to the end. Since I get to have a faction all to myself I’ll have a nice control on any political infighting they want to start up.

Today (Raquel)

So far today I have done dishes, started my laundry, made homemade deodorant, assembled an herbal glycerite to ’steep’, and read the first chapter of a book about what the medical establishment won’t tell you about hormones. Hopefully to follow will be some wheat grinding, more dish washing and making supper, including beef broth for those with intestinal ailments, and possibly even going out this evening to pick up some raw milk.

I think I must be a homeschooler.

I don’t have enough words… (Raquel)

Let my God display His might
as lightening rips the air,
let thunder bellow out His name
the smallest echo of His true power
just to feel a breath of His
I’m almost blown away.
Let me stand and feel the rain
pelting, stinging, never still
beyond what I could ever dream
beyond what’s tame and calm and nice
the heart of God poured out on me.
Somewhere beyond beyond
is the full force of eternal love
but here on earth a tiny glimpse
that I can touch and taste and see
to know my God is stronger than
the tamely flailing plans of men.
And He can take me through the fires
and He can rip my heart in two
and He can drive me to my knees
and I can never understand
the full extent of all His power
but I know that mystery
will always capture all my heart.

The Justice Dance (Gabrielle)

This is a video Crystal put together of my nephew Justice being extraordinarily cute. Enjoy!

The Justice Dance

Ear Infection Part 2 (Gabrielle)

Today I broke down and went to the doctor. I wasn’t going to. I was going to stick with the natural remedies and I was going to be patient and they were going to work. But this morning I just felt so defeated. Life must carry on and I am too frustrated out of it to carry on with it. So obviously something must change. I had to take Seth to work anyway so I stopped into the Family Quick Care which is up in that neck of the woods. It was a good thing I did.

Not only had the infection spread to my left ear like I’d thought it had, but my right ear drum has a small hole in it. Yes, it got so crowded in my head that my ear drum popped. This explains the hearing loss, fever and general crabbiness.

I actually feel better about feeling so yucky. Like, now I have a good enough reason to satisfy myself. And I’ve found yet another way this ear infection is forcing humility on me. I read the handout the doctor gave me on ear infections while I waited for my prescription to be filled. It was full of helpful information about what causes an ear infection and signs of badness to look for. In your child. It was all “If your child is too young to tell you their ear hurts…” and “Watch for these signs in your child then panic.” Apparently this is a kid thing I was supposed to had gotten over.

So now I’m on antibiotics and trying to take it easy-ish while still being responsible. When I figure that out I’ll let you know. On Monday I go back to the doctor to make sure my ear drum is properly patching. Did you know your body patches its ear drums? I didn’t.

A Political Rant (Raquel)

(I wrote this as a response on an e-mail list, and then the Seth voice in my head said that I should post it on the blog too. So here it is, slightly edited to make sense out of its original context.)

To the question of who’s willing to join the campaigning against Obama in four years, I have to respectfully reply: “I’m not.”

I don’t believe campaigning is going to accomplish anything. (I’m slightly overstating, but hear me out.) Until the church gets out there and starts taking care of the poor and the others who need help, the government will keep stepping in to do our job. Of course they’re doing it badly–it’s not their job to start with and they’re not equipped to handle it. But if the all the stupid fascist government programs stopped tomorrow, people would die because they have no where else to turn.

We didn’t get Obama because of lack of campaigning, or because people were confused about what he stood for. We got Obama because that’s what the majority of people in this country wanted. Political campaigning will not change that. Going out into the darkness with the light of Jesus will. Eventually.

Now, I’m not saying the church shouldn’t be involved in politics. But I am saying that if we just do our job and go out making disciples that *is* politics. If we stop acting like Caesar is lord, and take back the hurting, broken people who were supposed to be our responsibility, it will have an effect.

That said, I think it’s wonderful if a few people can work on keeping the fascist government off our backs and give us some breathing space to do what we’re supposed to do. But that’s not where the change is going to come from. Change comes when God’s people are faithful to obey Him no matter what the circumstances, and trust that He will bring the results as He sees fit.

Frailty, Thy Name is Ear Infection (Gabrielle)

For some reason being sick makes me really chatty. About being sick, that is. Usually when I’m sick I don’t like talking about much of anything else. Thursday I had a really sore throat and felt a head cold coming on. I spent most of Friday lying around being sick. By Saturday night I had an ear infection.

There is something very humbling about an ear infection. In the depths of my head bacteria thrive and grow. And their oh so minuscule presence throws my entire world off. The infection messes with my balance, my hearing, even my ability to speak.

It’s hard to explain how I hear things when I have an ear infection. It’s not that everything is muffled nor is it that everything is amplified. Rather, it’s more like the wrong things are amplified. Certain pitches are extremely painful where other pitches are normal and still more pitches are hard to catch. I’m not scientifically minded enough to conduct experiments while I have ear infections to see what pitches are affected, nor are science experiments the first or second thing I want to do when I have an ear infection, so it’s always a fun surprise to see what hurts and what doesn’t.

My own voice is one sound that is consistently amplified. It’s to the point where I max out my own loud tolerance just by having a conversation. A day combining an ear infection and being the sole adult around the house, like, say, yesterday, was very difficult. Either I would speak in a voice of command which left me grabbing my head against the sensory overload or I would speak softly, the child wouldn’t hear me and I would have to repeat myself thus again overloading my poor ears. Eventually, I started whispering. I felt so silly. I was whispering so I wouldn’t hurt my ears, but the children could yell all they wanted to and I would be fine. How ridiculous is that?

Also, I feel like I need a new vocabulary just to talk about sensations during an ear infection. Loud noises don’t hurt, per say. They’re just overpowering. The sensation ends up in the same place as pain and I classify it as pain, but I can’t actually point to anything that hurts. Most of the time my ear will hurt which is almost a relief because then I can say, “Ow” with no confusion or fear of miscommunicating. But even when there’s no actual pain I will put my hand to my ear and say “Ow”. I feel silly because then people look at me all sympathetic because my ear hurts, but it doesn’t. Well, mostly not anyway. It’s a completely different sensation from pain and I still say “Ow” because it still hurts.

See, being sick is just so humbling. It confuses us where we think we’re strong and busts up our very well organized thought processes. We are reminded that we came from the dust and we are forced to notice how fragile we are. We run to the end of our vocabulary to describe sensations and have to peer over the edge hoping for more words. Your head overbalances, your voice is too loud and relaying a simple thought is a monumental feat. And now I think I’ve learned my humility, thank you. Can I be done now?

Godzilla vs. King Kong (Raquel)

Presenting Samuel’s directorial debut: Godzilla vs. King Kong!

They filmed this at my Grandma Rhodes’ house while we were traveling and I’m finally getting it uploaded for them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mbmxw1m2C0

Green Street Hooligans (Gabrielle)

Yesterday I watched a movie called Green Street Hooligans. According to the MPAA it was rated R for “Brutal violence and pervasive language.” Now, sometimes the reasons given for the ratings make absolutely no sense, but in this case they were spot on. Brutal violence and all pervasive language. And for some reason I really liked this movie. I liked it and I couldn’t figure out why until the end of the movie.

The main character of the movie is Matt Bruckner, a Harvard student studying journalism who is expelled just weeks shy of graduating because of a drugs possession charges. The coke they found in his room was actually is roommate’s, but Matt ended up taking the fall because his roommate’s father is a powerful man with lots of connections. Matt could fight it, but he knows he’d lose. So he just packs his things and leaves.

Matt tries to contact his journalist father who is once again out of the country on assignment, but if you’d like to leave a message…. So he gets on a plane to England to go stay with his sister. She is happily married and has a baby boy. There Matt meets his brother-in-law’s brother, Pete, a loud, brash, decent hooligan. Pete is the leader of a football firm. And here is where the movie bowed to my complete and utter ignorance of all things British football.

So you have the teams and they go out on the field and play. But each team also has its own unofficial firm, a cross between a gang and a group of hardcore fans gone mad. The firm supports the team during the matches and then fights for that team’s honor after the match usually by brawling with the opposing team’s firm. It’s all about reputation and honor- your’s, your team’s and your firm’s.

Matt gets pulled into this world and finds he really likes it there. He finds a place in the Green Street Elite, a good friend in Pete and a confidence he never had. And this by itself is not a good enough reason to enjoy this movie.

I found my reason in one line. In a voice over Matt says, “You know the best part? It isn’t knowing your friend’s have your back. It’s knowing you have your friend’s.” Green Street Hooligans is about a boy stepping up into a man because some thugs teach him not to be a coward. See, Matt probably would have lost the fight back at Harvard, but that’s not why he ran. Matt is a coward. He is a coward who’s father never taught him anything about being a man. In the GSE he finds a group of men who stand their ground no matter what. Even when they’re outnumbered and out gunned they stand their ground and dare the other side to try to bring them down. They fight for honor and each other. No, it’s not right. Yes, it’s brutal and it’s bloody. The movie is very clear on the point. But it’s the closest thing to manly these group of battered guys can come up with. So they teach it to Matt and he actually comes out better at the end.

Cause see, come the end of the movie why they fight is turned on its head. Matt’s last fight has nothing to do with reputation and everything to do with fighting because your friends need you. And within that fight is an even better reason to fight to the bloody death. Matt grew up. It came late, it came from the wrong people and it came with bloody consequences, but he did grow up. By the end of the movie he’d learned how to fight, why to fight, when to fight and when to just walk away.

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