I want so much more than they’ve got planned… (Raquel)
Beauty and the Beast used to be my favorite movie. Except for the prince at the end–in my nine year old opinion he looked wimpy, and I still don’t like him. But that’s really a side issue.
I was listening to the soundtrack this morning, by request from Peter and Elsie. One line struck me as interesting. “I want so much more than they’ve got planned.” Belle is singing about how she wants adventure, and while I like the song I’ve wondered if I really agree with it.
This morning I realized that I really do agree with at least that line. I want so much more than people plan for me.
I don’t want to go to college. I want to be here with this part of my family, learning to be a homemaker.
I don’t want to put off learning about subjects that are truly useful and interesting to take required entry-level classes.
I want to prepare to be the very best helpmeet and mother I can be, not get a degree and prepare to split my attention between a career and a family.
I want to be there for my children’s first steps, not hear about it from the babysitter.
I have chosen the best preparation I know for what I want to do with my life. I’m not settling for less. I’m aiming for so much more.
My favorite song from “Beauty and the Beast” is Gaston’s song…but maybe that just says something about me.
seth — it probably does.
[crickets chirping]
[deep, un-offended breath from a woman with an M.A.]
i’m not saying anything about how being educated does not equal being a career oriented idolator, nor does it mean that all women who seek further education loathe being homekeepers and are just biding their time til their kiddos can be shipped to state schools so that they can work full time. i’m not saying anything about that (though believe me i could).
but it would be nice if ya’ll could consider a few shades of gray as you’re typing along.
Since most people who give me strange looks tend to be ‘career woman’ types I went for the simple version of the post. I’ll try to avoid that in future.
Also in a completely un-offended way–I’m in favor in further education, just not always at college.
Greenmama,
I know you weren’t commenting on anything I had written, but I still wanted to say that I appreciated the tone of your comment. It was very soft and kind. Thank you, I aprreciated that.
I just looked at my previous comment and realized that it could be misunderstood. I was not meaning to say this was unusual for you, Greenemama, to be kind and soft in your comments. I meant that I could see how someone could make that comment in a very sharp manner. And you didn’t. And I appreciated that. I hope no one misunderstood.
Mollie:
I too appreciate the tone of your comment.
I wouldn’t, though, expect to see very many “shades of gray” in the “typing along” that you’ll read here. Gabrielle and Raquel chose to do this blog as (you’ll see in the subtitle) a record of their non-college education. Discussing the pros of college for women would be as out of place here as a design for a nuclear power plant would be in the middle of a piano score.
No one here is denying that some are called to go to college–but these two young ladies are laudably defending what many find to be undefensible–spending their young adult, pre-marriage days serving others rather than seeking an academic education–and they are doing it in a fresh way that emphasizes the education–valuable education I add–that comes along with it as a free bonus.
Girls–don’t worry about qualifying everything you write for every reader. Write what you planned to write and be unapologetic about the road less travelled that you have chosen.
Mollie–please continue to read as an unoffended, talented woman who is putting her M.A to work in her home join in the joy of what God is doing in and through these blessed young ladies.
james,
the overall tone of this blog is that: “college is not for Christian young women to take part in — Christian young women should do as we do — be a mother’s assistant and learn how to be homekeepers. there is no reason a Christian young woman should have to learn things offered in gen. ed. classes, etc., because she won’t be using them in the home as a homekeeper with her children when she is married in the future.”
the tone is not as you have alluded to, that: “some Christian young women are called to college and others are not, rejoice with us as we’ve been called to *not* attend college. it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to choose to go to college, it is plausible that a woman could be convicted to go to college, in the same way that it is acceptable that we choose not to go to college and that it is plausible that we are convicted not to go to college.”
a balance is what i refer to when i say “shades of gray.” in the same way that the girls would and are offended when onlookers insist that they are wrong to not go to college, those who choose otherwise (and whose fathers choose otherwise!) are equally offended when cornered in church or elsewhere and told that they should not go to college, etc., as you have done to me several times in days gone by, james.
we are all entitled to our opinions on matters and if the opinion of the authors is that women should *not* go to college, then fine. i did not believe that to be the position, as you have clarified, james, so i questioned the overall tone of the blog. clarification was sought and gotten.
personally, a mother’s helper is a fabulous thing and i would love to take a nap, etc., and have someone do my dishes, laundry and diaper changing for me. there is no condemnation on my part towards the girls for choosing this way of life. but i am not the only one who feels somewhat condemned by *your* camp, whether it be the girls in particular or the extremist reformed groups in general who are anti-college.
I think Gabrielle and Raquel (if I am wrong, please correct me) are writing this blog because they are frustrated.
It is the norm for women to graduate high school and go to college. At least the world thinks it *should* be. And so as they have taken the road less travelled, they have been persecuted time and again for their decision.
I understand this persecution. I graduated high school with a 4.0 gpa, 2nd in my class of over 400 students. I had my college all planned out. I even received a full scholarship to the college of my choice! Then I did the unthinkable…
I got married two weeks after graduation. I didn’t go to college. My parents were angry, my teachers were angry, all my friends were upset. I had people tell me that I was throwing away my life everywhere I turned. People looked down on me. People said I chose the lazy path. People said I could do so much more with my life. They said I’d never be fulfilled.
There are plenty of people who know and understand the benefits of going to college. But few know the benefits of doing what Gabrielle and Raquel are doing. In fact, most people think it is a waste of time and a very bad decision on their part. It not commonly accepted that forgoing college in favor of apprenticing as a homemaker is a noble thing.
I understand that there are some who are made to feel bad about going to college. But there is a far bigger group that shun those who do not go to college.
This is simply because it is expected that women will graduate and go to college. That is what good, hardworking, young women do. To not go to college and stay home is the same thing as bumming around, watching soaps and eating bon bons.
So anyway, my long-winded comment is simply to say this. Gaby and Raquel, in my opinion, are writing this blog in hopes to help people understand what they are doing. They are trying to answer the questions that plague them everywhere they go. They are not throwing away their lives. They are not bumming around waiting for some guy to come along. They are actively training for their life-long career of homemaker and mother. They want people to understand this and stop nagging them that they are wasting time.
Naturally, they are going to defend the fact that they did not go to college.
BTW, I do not think that going to college is necessarily wrong either. And if I may speak on their behalf, I do not think they would rule out college for everyone either. I hope to go to college when my children are older so that I may become a midwife. But how can a woman fresh out of highscool go to college and become a midwife without first knowing what it is to bear children?
Hopefully my explanation helps. I hope it doesn’t cause a blow up.
A few shades of gray? I resemble that remark. And I’m not just speaking about my hair color.
I’m single but not young. I’m semi-college educated, but I don’t have a degree. I’m a career woman - successful by some standards, but not all.
Yet, I’m not employed in the field that I would like. I long for marriage and family, but God has not presented that opportunity to me. And it’s something with which I continually struggle.
The point I’d like to make - especially to Gabrielle and Raquel is, like many degreed persons, you might not get a “job” in the occupation for which you are training. Marriage might not be in your future. Are you prepared for that? I know I wasn’t. But I was raised in the days when women could have it all. We’re finding now that isn’t the case.
It’s an interesting question–I may end up writing a post on the subject later. I guess the short answer is that I don’t think college is automatically the best preparation for a ‘job’. I’m looking into home businesses (esp. freelance writing) that I could run while being a stay at home mom, which makes me better prepared to bring in money than some people I know who have college degrees.
Also, it may sound odd, but I don’t think I’d be moving totally out on my own in any case. There’s always someone who can use a live in aunt/nanny.
Hey Barb,
If this is Barb from Erie then Adiel told me she told you about this blog. It’s cool to hear from you. If not it’s still cool to hear from you I just don’t know who you are.
I have thought a lot about what happens if I never get married. Or even if I don’t get married for twenty years or ten or five. And I’ve wondered what I would do. Before I moved here I didn’t have an answer. I was scared of that possibility and I just tried not to think about it. But now I think about the question and it doesn’t scare me. I look at my life and, honestly, I could do this for the rest of my life. Like Raquel said, there’s always someone who could use a live-in aunt/nanny. And I don’t mean just in my immediate family. There are many people who have said they wish they had a younger sister to live with them. It would be so helpful. And I’ve thought about maybe five years from now when Arianna could be some real help to Crystal maybe I would move in with one of my sisters if they needed help. The possibilities, while not being endless, are still plentiful.
I hear you and I understand what you are saying about being prepared for a career other than we have planned. But, until it changes, this is my career. I am an aunt. Some people call me a nanny. I don’t see this time just as preparation. It is also my job. It is my work. This is my chosen career. I would like it to change sometime (perhaps soon), but I do not see that as leaving training to enter my career. I do not see this season of my life as only training for my future. That thinking can be dangerous because it means I’m just hanging around waiting. And time spent only waiting is wasted.
I have no idea what God has planned for me. But what I cling to is that He is far more awesome than I know. And He has a plan that will blow me away with how great it is. I may not be able to see it at the time, but I trust Him. He hasn’t failed me yet, why should He start now?
Ah. I’m a woman of mystery!! But not too much mystery, apparently - you were right…it’s Barb from Erie.
Both Raquel and Gabrielle present good points. And I’m impressed with your faith and trust in God’s plan, Gaby.
BTW, Raquel, I too don’t think college is automatically the best preparation for a ‘job’. While I have some college education, I do not have a degree. Yet I’ve advanced in my career due to alot of hard work, ample experience, and great mentors - all graciously supplied by God.