A Road Less Travelled

I too was going to comment about kitchen memories, but then I figured “This is my half-blog! I should be able to post and not just comment!”

Some of my favorite memories come from the kitchen. I looked at these memories and realized most of them center around my mother. For those of you who do not know my mother was called Home about two years ago come July. We used to gather in the kitchen after dinner and while some of us tried to clean up we would dance to the radio. We called it kitchen dancing. That kitchen was not very big and sometimes dancing was hazardous. Dinner cleanup took two maybe three times longer than it should have and someone usually got hurt. But I wouldn’t have stopped if you paid me. After Mom’s funeral we had dinner at our house. We managed to fit fourteen people into that kitchen. People were standing right on top of each other and maneuverability was nonexistent, but it was so comforting. Sometimes I wonder if a room can hold memories. And that room held so many memories for us it was like she was there to comfort us as we laughed together and cried together. And now I go out into our kitchen and I’ll put some music on. I call the children out and we dance. And sometimes dancing is hazardous and usually someone gets hurt. But I want to make these memories for them. And I wouldn’t stop if you paid me.

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Beauty and the Beast used to be my favorite movie. Except for the prince at the end–in my nine year old opinion he looked wimpy, and I still don’t like him. But that’s really a side issue.

I was listening to the soundtrack this morning, by request from Peter and Elsie. One line struck me as interesting. “I want so much more than they’ve got planned.” Belle is singing about how she wants adventure, and while I like the song I’ve wondered if I really agree with it.

This morning I realized that I really do agree with at least that line. I want so much more than people plan for me.

I don’t want to go to college. I want to be here with this part of my family, learning to be a homemaker.

I don’t want to put off learning about subjects that are truly useful and interesting to take required entry-level classes.

I want to prepare to be the very best helpmeet and mother I can be, not get a degree and prepare to split my attention between a career and a family.

I want to be there for my children’s first steps, not hear about it from the babysitter.

I have chosen the best preparation I know for what I want to do with my life. I’m not settling for less. I’m aiming for so much more.

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I am not very good at memorizing scripture. But I can remember the basic idea of a verse very easily. I am not very good at memorizing the exact chapter and verse of scripture. But if I have my own Bible I can usually find just about anything I’m looking for. Except when I’m at Kathey’s house. Kathey is a brand new Christian who has lived a very hard life. I will go over there to visit just to stop and say hi, hello, we love you and then I’ll sit and we’ll talk. I’ll be there for a couple hours usually just sitting talking about whatever’s happening in her life. And I will usually think of some scripture verse that would be helpful for her. And I won’t be able to find it. I started taking my Bible with me because I thought I just didn’t know her Bible, but I still couldn’t find anything. There was this one verse I couldn’t find. I looked and looked and finally I gave up and just told her the gist of the verse. And when I got home I looked it up and, boom, there is was. I wrote it down and I tried to remember the reference for it. And as soon as I was talking with Kathey again it completely left me. I found out that Crystal is the same way. She can’t remember any references and she can’t find anything if she tries to look. If it were just me this was happening to I could explain it away. But maybe there is a purpose to this. I remember the one time I actually did find what I was looking for. And it was almost distracting. Kathey had to write it down and write down how I applied it to her because she didn’t think she would remember. But any Scripture I just quote to her she will remember. She remembers conversations and things I’ve said that I have forgotten about. But not chapter and verse in the original Bible talk. So now I’m puzzling over this and I’m wondering what this might mean. I am going to assume that God is yelling in my ear to leave my Bible at home when I go see Kathey and just work from what I have in my head. But what this might mean in a larger context I haven’t faintest idea. I’m just pretty sure it’s important.

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I was going to post a comment in response to Adiel’s comment, and after trying to squish my thoughts down to a concise sentence or two I gave up and decided to write a post. “Isn’t it funny how so many great memories originate in the kitchen?” I wonder what it is about kitchens. Kitchens are designed for work, not (usually) for showing off to guests. I’ve seen magazine pictures of beautiful kitchens, but I don’t think they’d be very comfortable to spend time in. Real kitchens are places where people work to make food. The two definitions I’ve heard for fellowship are ‘eating together’ and ‘working together’. Hmm. Does anyone else see a connection here?

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I’ve heard than women are usually good at multi-tasking. Ha. I can when I have to, but it usually involves a lot of concentration. I prefer to finish one project before I go on to something else. This morning an egg broke on the bottom of the refrigerator while Theresa was cooking eggs. Samuel came back with the paper towels and wanted her to catch them and throw them back. She did. They played catch with the paper towels. My brain was telling me, “No, this doesn’t work. There’s too much going on for this. The eggs are cooking. There’s a broken egg in the refrigerator. Well it’s seems like there’s a lot going on…Hey, that actually looks like fun.” So we stood around and laughed at the paper towel roll that turned into a boomerang, that bounced off the walls, and flew over heads. Because twenty years from now Samuel won’t remember if there was egg residue in the refrigerator, or if his egg was a little crispy this particular morning. But he probably will remember playing catch with the paper towels in the kitchen.

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How is it I am the one doing the serious posts? Raquel is usually the serious one with something good to say. I know we are interchangeable, but this is going just a little too far. Just for that I shall post two of my all time favorite movie quotes. “Um, I just got turned into a cow. Can I go home?” -The Emperor’s New Groove “Buzz, the monkeys aren’t working! We are formulating another plan!” -Toy Story So there.

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Gabrielle is writing these serious posts, and I have some rants saved up for another time. But right now I’m not in the mood for a serious post. So here are some quotes from my notebook. Some are waiting to be incorporated into the right story, and some are real life quotes– “Promise me an annual moment of sanity in my memory and I shall die happy.” “It’s not every day you get hit in the face with a tiara.” “There’s a brilliant comeback floating around here somewhere… This is why you should never loan money to a brilliant comeback. It avoids you because it doesn’t have the cash to pay you back.” “She treasured this the last letter from her departed love–if only she could read his handwriting.” “They have more men, more weapons, and a better position. Anything else?” “Well, they’ve got better uniforms.” “Every woman at her marriage becomes a sidekick.”

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My three year old nephew Peter brought me flowers today. Three stems of clover, to be exact. The stems were a little short but I managed a creative arrangement in a small vase. I think they were a replacement for the leaves he brought me yesterday. I’m all for greenery but there’s only so much you can do with wilting leaves…

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I went and saw a movie on Saturday. Before the previews were some commercials and one of the commercials was for the Army National Guard. The one thing that struck me from this commercial was the women who were portrayed. Up to half of the individuals portrayed were women. Women in Basic training, women standing guard, women willing to defend their country with their lives. And it made me very sad. Here were women doing man’s work in it’s most obvious form. And I will admit that on some level it looked glamorous. It certainly looked far more glamorous than my life. My days consist of changing diapers and washing dishes and answering questions and washing more dishes. But my work has been tailor made for me. My work enhances my femininity and helps me understand the difference between men and women. Women aren’t supposed to be out laying their lives on the line. That’s for the men to do. And I don’t think this is because women are dumb. And it isn’t because women are not worthy of dying for their country. It is because God made men to conquer and He made women to keep. So I watched this commercial and it made me very sad because it was portraying a lie that most young women would probably find attractive. And it worked a little on me because I had to remind myself that my life is not worth less just because I’m not out serving my country. I had to remind myself that there is just as much honor and nobility in going upstairs and getting something for Crystal when she is very pregnant as there is in walking a patrol. And at the end of my day I can look back and say that I acted as a woman and not like a man. I can look back without any confusion. And that is glamorous enough for me.

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Gabrielle’s last post got me thinking. I’ve heard the story before, and I had about the same reaction. The Wednesday she described would just frazzle me. Driving stresses me out. People stress me out. Gabrielle is good at that sort of thing and I’m not.
I haven’t had the same vision of a non-college life that she does. I kind of like her vision, and I hope I get better at it, but I think I must have my own version of it that hasn’t quite fallen into place yet.
I didn’t start out with exactly this plan for my life. For I while I even considered (gasp!) college. Then I planned to spend six months with James and Theresa and then go on to other non-college education opportunities. I still hope to learn some of the skills on my list (glassblowing and such) and I’d still love to visit Scotland. But for now my home base is here as an assistant homemaker. Because in some way I can’t explain, I belong here.

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