(Warning: There might be explcit or at least grossness in the following blog post. I can’t really tell because I haven’t written it yet. If we get to the end and you think there was then I warned you. If not disregard this warning. If you think it was gross, but you’ve had children or been near someone having a child and you already know it’s gross, but read it anyway then let me say anything you can’t handle is your own fault.) There has been a blog post forming in my head over the last few days. It’s entitled “Things I Have Done I Never Thought I Would Have To”, but that would encompass more than just the events of the last couple of days. It is weird to sit, eat pancakes and calmly look back over the whole experience. I could be serious and say I grew up some more these past days or I could be amusing and talk about how gross it all was. I will probably do both because it was seriously gross. There are certain things I remember very clearly. I remember waking up and hearing Seth moving around in the kitchen. By this point he should have been on his way to work. It was the weirdest thing being able to feel how the rhythm of the house was off. I got up, came out and looked at Seth. He said, “Hi!” in the Seth way which can be infuriating at times. He then said that we were at yellow. I took a shower and ate something. Seth and Crystal went for a walk. I got the kids down and fed them something. Then I started cleaning. I washed dishes, I wiped down the counters, I wiped the table. I talked to someone on the phone who told me I was channeling Crystal’s nesting instincts and she told me to clean the bathrooms. So I cleaned the toilets and I cleaned the sinks. I cleaned more in this one hour than I normally do it a day. The house looked pretty good. Somewhere in here I went upstairs and blew up the pool. Crystal wanted to have a birthing pool so we got an inflatable kiddies pool. The midwife had meant to leave us a pump, but she forgot it. So I huffed and I puffed and I am pleased to say I never passed out. When I was done there was a pool in their bedroom. Well, it’s not the bedroom. Imagine a large closet, a closet the size of a room. Put in dressers, a bookshelf, a small nightstand. Now put in an inflatable pool with clear plastic sides and large colorful fish painted on it. Now make the fish even more ridiculous looking. Close, but even more so. Okay, you got? That is not half as weird as what that room looked like. I stood back and started laughing. For the next twelve hours or so I was a gopher. Seth actually got to the point he would snap his fingers and order me about. “Gabrielle! Water!” We would laugh and then I would scurry to get whatever. It made me very aware of the fact that there are stairs in the house. I was torn between feeling like this was why I was there and wanting to be able to do more. I didn’t want to be in the way if they just wanted to be alone so often I would take my book and sit down outside the room so they could just yell if they needed anything. I did a lot of reading. Have you ever seen your sister-in-law naked? Let me tell you it is a really bizarre feeling. What was even more weird was that fact that it didn’t feel bizarre. She was having a baby, she wanted to be in the pool, her clothes were annoying her. What’s so weird about that? I told her at one point that it felt like it should be weird and wasn’t, but if I started looking at her funny when she had all her clothes on again she would know why. When I sit back and think about it now it still isn’t weird. I have never had a baby. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that I’ve never been at a birth before. I was with my sister when she went into labor, but I was there to take care of her daughter and I wasn’t paying much attention to Adiel. We had to drive her to the hospital then I went home. So talking a woman through a contraction when no one had even told me how was really strange. I just went on what I had seen others do and what felt right. People talk about women having a mothering instinct and I have always thought they were right because that’s what we were made for. I think this is just another aspect of mothering. Labor is normal and it’s one of the things we were made for. Sometimes something just feels right. Sometimes the words and the knowledge are just there when you weren’t expecting them. The next while just blurs. It was full of frustration and disappointment. I felt like a nuisance and wished there was more I could do. I was pulling back into myself and, at the same time, I could feel that Arianna needed to be around people. She is a very social creature and she had been by herself much of the last two days. I was making dinner and the phone rang. It was James calling about what was happening and so what should happen with the boys. Seth and Crystal were out driving. I told him how frustrated I was and how useless I felt. He told me that my attitude would have an effect on the mood of the house and it would effect Crystal even though she wouldn’t notice it. He encouraged me to trust still in God and that this was good. It was a very encouraging conversation. I played a game with Arianna and then we made pancakes together. We palyed another game while we ate and then Seth and Crystal came home. The midwife had called in a perscription for a sleeping medication. Crystal took it and Arianna went to bed. We sat down to watch a movie. Crystal kept saying that she didn’t think the pill was working. She took the second pill and still said it wasn’t working. We finished the movie and decided to watch something esle. If Crystal went upstairs and didn’t fall asleep she would just lie there thinking about the baby and how tired she was. So we watched something else and the contractions started to pick up a bit. Crystal was getting up to go to the bathroom every fifteen minutes or so. She finally just stayed in the bathroom. I didn’t notice that the sounds she was making were different than normal contractions. Suddenly, she called from the bathroom “Seth! I think my water just broke!” This almost gave me whiplash. I was settled into the fact that the baby wasn’t coming tonight and now her water broke?! Seth called the midwife. Crystal started feeling like she needed to push. I wrappedmy mind around the thought that maybe the baby would be born that night sometime, you know, in a couple of hours. I went to the bathroom to see if there was anything I could help with. I walked up just in time to hear Crystal say, “There’s the head.” There was a layer of panic just under her voice. Seth said, most eloquently, “What!!!” The level of fear in his voice was close to the surface. Trying to be calm and helpful I said, coherently, “Do you want me to get the sucky thing?” I went, I got it, I came back. Crystal had her hands on the baby’s head. I looked down and saw hair. Seth stood in the bathtub and had Crystal stand and turn toward him. I was suppose to suction the baby’s nose and mouth. As I went down to my knees and Crystal turned I saw a face coming out of her. I felt hysterical laughter two inches below the surface. I told myself that I could fall apart later, but now I needed to suction out this baby. I got one nostril, but then I actually blew stuff up the other. He wouldn’t let me in his mouth, but it doesn’t really matter because at that point Crystal said, “I’ve got one more push.” Seth looked at me and gave his maniacal grin. He said,” Well, I guess you’re catching.” Crystal pushed one last time and out he came. I almost dropped him because he was slimy and slippery. A bubble of laughter and tears came up my throat. Now we had to get Justice to his mother, but the cord went under Crystal’s leg and she had sat down again. I had this moment when the hysteria almost came out. Seth caught it and said, “You can fall apart when she’s holding the baby!!” Crystal managed to pick up her leg and I handed her her son. I said, “It’s a boy.” And then I got up and started laughing. As I look back I can see how God was preparing me for this. Crystal had been asking me if the midwives couldn’t get here in time could I catch. I thought about it and cameto the decision that if something had to be done I would do it. And I did. And it was way weird and beautiful. Happy Birthday, Justice! May you bring justice to the oppressed and judgment to the wicked.
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