A Road Less Travelled

So, like, my father made me take pictures of the Ugliest Shelves Under God’s Blue Sky and so I have them on hand. Well, actually in computer. If y’all want I will post them, but there has to be an overwhelming majority of people who want to see the pictures. What constitutes an overwhelming majority will be decided by me. If I decide it is not worth it I will not be posting the pictures. If I decide I just don’t feel like then I might not. Who knows? I am, after all, a woman. We are allowed to change our minds for no good reason. So, if you want to see pictures of the Ugliest Shelves Under God’s Blue Sky then simply write “Give us the pictures or give us death!” on the front of a twenty dollar bill. Send it to me while you are wearing polka dots and singing “I am Henry the 8th I am”. If I am in a good mood when I receive the twenty dollar bills and if it is a full moon I will post the pictures. Or you could just post a comment saying you would like to see the pictures. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Please pray for Justice. He has started coughing and we think it’s whooping cough. It is so hard to watch him cough and cough and gasp for breath. He gets mad when he can’t breathe and makes a really odd noise. We watch him during every coughing fit and I think I hold my breath until he inhales. It is very hard on Crystal to watch her son turn red and gasp for air when there is not a single thing she can do for him. The good news is that people don’t die from whooping cough. They die from pneumonia that sets in to their weakened lungs. So, if we can keep him from getting pneumonia he should be okay in a couple of weeks. Until that point Crystal isn’t getting any sleep because she wakes up with every cough and watches him until it’s over. We are all scared that he will just stop breathing and never start again. There is nothing medical we can do for him because all a doctor could do is watch him while he coughs. So now we wait. And pray. Please pray with us.

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“Hey, Noah just put demon legs in my water!”

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Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first day I have spent completely at home in about a week and a half. I know this doesn’t sound strange to most of you, but I found being oot and aboot very tiring and disorienting. And how did I use my first whole day at home, you ask. I used it to make the ugliest set of shelves to be found under God’s blue sky. I mean, really, they are pretty bad. I used wooden trim I helped Jonathan take off of the Lansberry’s old house. It was pretty tricky nailing anything to anything because the wood was so thin and all I had to work with were rusty nails. I didn’t have anything for a back and so I stretched purple cloth along the back and I used the same purple cloth to make rails for each shelf because I want to store my craft supplies on it and the shelves are not deep. I had to put feet, of a sort, on it to make it stand up on its own. They aren’t the same size because I only had a large hand saw to cut with and I can’t cut straight. The whole thing leans in one direction because, well, I’m not that good at making shelves. I was about to use duct tape on it, but we didn’t have any so I used a hot glue gun to avoid having to nail the cloth onto the front of the shelves. I have very little trust in my hammering skills and visions of splintered wood were dancing in my head. As of this post the only place I found for the shelf is behind my door which seems oddly appropriate. I will not, NOT, be posting pictures of said shelf because I do have some dignity. Not much, but too much to put pictures of the ugliest shelf under God’s blue sky on the Internet where just anyone could see them. Instead, I waltz out on the Internet and talk about the ugliest shelf under God’s blue sky where anyone could read about it. That makes a lot of sense.

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To protect our reputations we are posting these quotes anonymously except for the one by James. He did that on purpose.

“If God had meant for us to be individuals He wouldn’t have given us hive minds.”

“Um, just so you know I put cinnamon in your bath.”

“I’ve been leaving clothing everywhere I go.”

“It’s safe to put your glasses in the mini-blinds now.”

“So that way if I lose all my adaptors my pants won’t stay up.”- James Lansberry

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We were watching a Veggie Tales Silly Song Countdown. The song “Love My Lips” came on and I was singing along. “If my lips ever left my mouth/ Packed a bag and headed south / That be too bad / I’d be so sad. At the very end Larry says, “Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?” Well, have I ever told y’all how I feel about my feet? No? I like my feet. My feet touch the ground most of the time. I prefer to be barefoot. I love the feel of soft grass and dark dirt. When I wear shoes it feels like my contact with the ground has been partly turned off. The other day I was wearing shoes and I walked over the coolest pavement. It was round stones set in concrete. I wanted so much to feel it, but there were shoes on my feet. Evil shoes. I considered bending down and feeling it with my hand, but that wouldn’t have been right. Feet are meant for the ground; hands aren’t. Alas for me shoe season is upon us. I went to the store and bought new shoes. They will protect my feet from glass and frostbite, but I can’t feel the ground with them on. Many would say it is a fair trade, but I wonder. I wonder… Goodbye for now, ground. So long, grass. I must encase my feet in hard leather. I will miss you. Farewell.

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“Life. Don’t talk to me about Life.” - Marvin, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy My life has overflowed recently. As Seth put it, I have been working for one and a half people for the past week. The Lansberrys just moved into their new home and I am very excited for them, but it meant a lot of work and I couldn’t let my family go through that alone. So I was helping them which wouldn’t normally be problem except that I have to be home in the mornings to make sure the house gets up and going for the day since neither Justice nor Crystal has been sleeping at all well. Well, Justice isn’t sleeping well and he keeps Crystal up. Speaking of Justice, he’s started coughing and we are all terrified that he has whooping cough. You know, the cough that is lethal to infants. I feel relieved when I can hear the congestion in his chest and Seth says he saw a running nose. We feel strange being excited about these things. It is very unlikely that he has whooping cough, but what if? He started coughing in the van today and Crystal whipped around and said, “Is he still breathing?!” Yes, Crystal, he’s still breathing. For now, anyway. Speaking of breathing, Seth is still coughing so hard he stops breathing. He’s lost his voice twice now and we think he cracked a rib. I’ll accidentally make him laugh and he’ll start coughing and then hold his side in pain. I can’t make him laugh because it will hurt him. Speaking of ribs, I’ve been abusing my lower back all week and today it finally caught up with me. It isn’t real bad, but it’s never quite been the same since the last car accident I was in. It’s been remarking to me all week that I’ve been working hard and this morning it decided to punish me. I was stiff and sore and when I dropped something I seriously considered asking someone else to pick it up. All by itself my back wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but in conjunction with the rest of life well… Life as usual it seems around here. “Life. Don’t talk to me about Life.”

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“Are you touching your fingers with your noodles again?”

“If I had no bones and I was filled with string, would the string be four miles?”

And important answers– “Next time, cut your cheese sauce when it’s in a chunk that big.”

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The kids and I just ate almost two containers of yogurt. Whole milk vanilla yogurt sweetened with real maple syrup. Mmmmm. Noah drank most of his from a cup. He’s working hard on the fork thing, but spoons are beyond him as of now. Samuel was ecstatic about the yogurt, though he was a little upset he didn’t get to finish the container. Isaac was asking where yogurt comes from and how does milk go bad. Arianna was making yogurt mustaches on her face. I was eating. Ah, yogurt.

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I have various potential blog posts rattling around in my head. Actually, they’re not rattling. Regardless of common suppostition there is something in my head besides a few random blog posts; currently my head is so full of stuff that’s going on that the potential blog posts barely have room to breathe, much less rattle. I have grand ideas of how life is going to be. But right now I have no idea what I need to get done first. After we move I will be closer to people and better able to drop by and help them out when they need it. But right now Gabrielle is stretched out trying to help out everyone she can and I’m too busy packing and painting to help anyone else. After we move. Everything will be right after we move. We’ll pick up playing Polaris again after we move. I’ll put my life in order after we move. I’ll have a place to write after we move. I’ll be able to devolop my talents to better serve the church after we move. I’ll form better habits and become more organized after we move. I’ll practice being less self-centered and loving the people around me after we move. I’ll change the world after we move. Right now I feel both very busy and very useless at the same time. Except for when we’re laughing over some very strange and silly thing because we didn’t get enough sleep last night. I could be enjoying this a lot if I just stopped trying to think about everything at once. Aha, that’s it–my perennial problem that I’m thinking too much. I will promptly stop thinking, go to bed, and get some sleep so tomorrow I can go sand floors and laugh over very strange and silly conversations. I’m sure it will be very lovely.

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