A Road Less Travelled

 As I type this I am sitting at the computer with half a clove of garlic in each ear.

  I esplain.

  Every time I get a bad head cold it turns into an ear infection. Sometimes it turns into two just so I won’t feel off balance. Last time this happened Raquel was not here to console me. She, very selfishly, had gone to live with her parents for three months while she decided if Peoria was actually where she wanted to live. So I was e-mailing her constantly to tell that, yes indeed, Peoria was the best place on earth and if she lived anywhere else that place would perish in fire. Or something like that. So one day I e-mailed her and told her I had a double ear infection and did she she know any home remedies? Raquel asked her mother and her mother suggested garlic and Raquel wrote back and told me to stick a clove of garlic in my ear.

It was like a badly translated insult. You know when you’re watching some foreign film and it’s been dubbed badly. A character will say something and you know it was an insult that probably packs more punch in the original language. “You smell like a sheep that’s been out in the sun too long!” “Yeah? Well, go stick a clove of garlic in your ear!” “Oh yeah?!” and soon they’re fighting and I never quite know why.

Yesterday I woke up with a back head cold and last night I could feel an ear infection coming on. So I stuck a clove of garlic in my ear. It stung at first, but I think it’s helped a little.  

Raquel and I talk about those smarmy e-mail forwards about true friends. You know, True Friends don’t just bring a bottle of wine to your party, but stay and help you clean up afterwards. I never feel like these forwards actually get anywhere close to what it means to be True Friends. They should add something about true friends and garlic cloves. Something like “True Friends won’t just commiserate with you when you’re sick, but will tell you to go stick a clove of garlic in your ear.” Yeah, something like that.