Fussing Over Not-People (Gabrielle)
June 21, 2006 by Gabrielle
Last Saturday we went to a friend’s house and spent a very enjoyable day eating good food, hanging out with nice people and playing a nifty game. These friends do not have children and so it was kinda funny to see how they had prepared for the horde we brought with us. We had a lovely time and left tired, but happy. On the drive home a thought leaped out of nowhere and struck me. One of the reasons it was so refreshing was that these friends fussed over us.
 I talk a lot about community and Dinner at Lansberry’s and how nice it is not to be people. I think about it a lot and I just assumed it was a better way. But we went to this friend’s house and they prepared for us. They got good food and fussed a bit to make sure it looked nice. She had actually bought little toys and coloring books for the kids to make sure they would have something to do. The last time we were there, about a year ago, they fixed us the best steak I have ever had and this year they went out of their way to make sure they had everything just right to fix this steak for us again. They had run out of the special steak rub they’d used on last year’s steaks and I think they had to special order it to make sure they had it for Saturday, but special order it they did and the steak was as good if not better than last time. These friends of ours spent an entire day fussing over us and fussing over the kids and I walked away feeling really special.
It’s made me ponder my rants about community a bit. I know I still appreciate being not-people and just bopping in without it being a big deal, but there is a time and place to fuss a bit. Sometimes it just makes someone feel special. Knowing when you need to fuss and when you need to not is the important part. Fussing over someone who wants to feel like he is just one of the family is no good and including someone into the regular rabble who wants to come over to your house and feel special isn’t any good either. Here’s where that wisdom thing comes into play.
I find it odd that just one day spent at a friends house can make me reconsider what I think. I’ve been rambling and ranting about this comunity thing for so long I just assumed it was locked in stone. But if friends can’t make you think again than I guess they are much good, now are they?
I think even better than being fussed over by others and/or being not-people is to have the not-people in my life be in tune with me so much to know when I need fussing and when I need to be not-people.
I like this post, Gabrielle.
I have decided that one of the reasons that I struggle so much with hospitality is that it makes me feel so exposed. Showing people my house is like showing them my insides to me. I really have a hard time with it. And I am inclined to fuss, but don’t have the time for it.
sigh. Writing with tears in my eyes.
But Donna that’s the great thing about hospitality. You could stumble through days of chit-chat and know next to nothing about a person, but then invite him into your home or go into his and you might find out more than you want to. And then you actually know this person. So then when you are in chit-chat situations you have already formed a foundation and you can actually talk about more than the weather and the state of the roads. It’s scary, but that’s the whole point of this Life Together thing. Life Alone feels safer, but it is desperatly lonely. And who says your insides aren’t worth showing to people? If you pick the right people your insides might be just what they need to see.