Home Alone on Sunday Morning (Raquel)
 It’s frustrating to stay home from church when I feel well enough to make it there. Granted, even a touch of the stomach flu is not something I want to take out of the house, or risk sharing with other people. Still, it’s doubly frustrating coming on the heels of a multiple week trip away from home.
 I wanted to be at Providence this morning. I was looking forward to being there. I was running through the lists of who I would say hello to, wondering whether Gabrielle and I would quickly fall into the old rut of talking to each other even though we had the best intentions of being social with everyone else, and once again weighing the relative benefits of going through the food line early and seeing who decided to sit with me against going through the food line later and having to choose who to sit with. With all this in mind I sent up a quick prayer that God would put me with whoever needed me most, and not let me complain if they weren’t the ‘fun’ people I wanted to hang out with.
 I didn’t have anything grandiose in mind. Maybe someone I would normally overlook that I should be making friends with. Maybe listening about someone’s really miserable week, even though I probably wouldn’t have any great words of wisdom.
 Instead I’m sitting alone in an empty house.Â
 The obvious conclusion that no one needs me is hovering right in front of me, but I refuse to reach out and take it. I’ve been down that road, and I know that once I start I still don’t have sufficient answer to talk myself back out of it. Most of the time I honestly can’t figure out what good I’m doing here or why anyone needs me.
 But if God took a country girl who loves mountains, and made it so she thinks ‘home’ when she sees the city lights over an expase of cornfield, I have think there’s a reason for her to be there. I just wish He’d clue me in on what it is.Â
> The obvious conclusion that no one needs me is hovering right in front of me, but I refuse to reach out and take it.
Good. Because that’s not the obvious conclusion. I can think of some others.
–God thought that you needed some downtime away from people.
–God wanted you to experience loneliness so that you can then minister to the lonely.
–God wanted you to experience purposelessness so that you can then minister to those struggling to find purpose.
–God wanted to you to realize that you’ve come to love Peoria and write a blog post about it.
Those are all other completely valid possibilities. (I’m reasonably confident about the last one, BTW.)
Do not despair. He knows what He is doing, and, in due time, He will clue you in to what it is.
Raquel,
Your comment, ‘The obvious conclusion that no one needs me is hovering right in front of me, but I refuse to reach out and take it. I’ve been down that road, and I know that once I start I still don’t have sufficient answer to talk myself back out of it. Most of the time I honestly can’t figure out what good I’m doing here or why anyone needs me’, caught my attention. If you are here then there is a reason, a very good reason. Jesus has decided you need to be where you are, doing what you do, and most importantly, being who you are. He does not normally fill us in on what the whole plan is. But we can know, beyond a shadow of any doubt, that His plan for each of us is good and wise and loving. And when we get to our Home we will be able to look back at all of this in wonder at how well He put all the little pieces together to make a glorious whole.
Pastor Ben-Ezra
Those are all things I should have known–I guess I needed the reminder. Thank you both.