A Road Less Travelled

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day all you mothers! After worship yesterday a sweet woman named Kim came up to me and gave me a hug and said she had been thinking of me. I stared at her blankly until it sunk in. Mother’s Day. My mother is dead. This would normally be a problem for people. Right. I’d forgotten.

Sometimes it hurts more to forget than to remember. Arianna came up to me recently and said she couldn’t remember what my mom’s voice sounded like. I told her I couldn’t describe it because it just sounded like Mom to me. Sometimes I will sit and remember my mom’s face, her laugh, her near constant,involuntary sniff and cough. I remember because I’m terrified I’ll forget and lose part of her forever.

I told Kim I was doing just fine yesterday and that I hadn’t even remembered I should be sad. She started crying as she told she had been thinking of me and my family. And then she felt terrible because I started comforting her when she had come to comfort me. I couldn’t express it then like I wanted to, but I appreciated her tears. I don’t cry often for my mother anymore. I like it when people cry for her or smile for her because then I know they remember and then I remember and it’s like I haven’t forgotten. It’s like she’s just dead, she’s not gone. I think I appreciated comforting Kim as she remembered more than I would have her comforting me as I remembered. It came out to the same thing. For a little while I remembered my mom. And for a little while I remembered it never goodbye; it’s only so long. That is a precious gift to be given.