A Road Less Travelled

Something’s been nagging at the edges of my mind for a while. I identified it as feeling that it was time to get married. I struggled to put words to it, because obviously, it’s not as though I have arrived at a state of perfection. But in some indefinable way it felt like I was ready.
I figured out what it is. I’ve finished Basic Training. Next time I get hit upside the head, it won’t be by a drill sergeant–it will be in battle. I’m still not sure that’s the best way to put it, but it’s closer than I was before.
I’ve had my heart ripped out and stomped on sufficiently to understand things I’ve always known. The phrases total depravity, infinite goodness, not relying on your own strength, and several others make far more sense than they did when I just acknowledged them as facts.
So, no, I’m not claiming I’m arrived. It’s just one of those indefinable milestones that no one can see. I don’t get any credit. I just get my heart ripped out and stomped on harder and more so next time. Whatever the next thing is, I’m ready. Not because I’m ready, but because God will bring me through it even when I mess up again.
At the end of the most recent chunk of stress in my life, I prayed that I could have a few months of just being, without having to deal with the next big thing. I’ve had that. Even with a trip to California thrown in there, I’ve had around two months without any really big stress in my life. Yes, it was a taking a break from chopping wood to haul water (as they say), and it hasn’t been a picnic, but I haven’t had to deal with anything overwhelming that I recall. I don’t know how much longer it’s going to last.
I’ve managed to start establishing a better daily routine, get my room closer to being organized, and finish a couple of the many unfinished projects I have hanging around. It doesn’t sound that impressive, but it’s been really nice to be able to work on those things, even if I still haven’t arrived at perfection with any of them (see above). I haven’t managed to write blog posts any more often, but I’ll be working on that, too.
I don’t know what the next big thing in my life is going to be, or when, or how stressful it’s going to be. That’s a good thing, really–it’s helps me be a little bit more patient. It’s an odd feeling to really like the place in my life that I’m in right now, and to really not want to stay there for the rest of my life. We’ll see what happens next.