A Road Less Travelled

like a row of teeth
glinting in the sun–
icicles

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 I wrote this yesterday, but couldn’t post it because of technical difficulties. So here it is now–

 I’ve discovered a few things recently. First, a website called Gothic Eyes are Moping introduced me to a new use for eyeliner: drawing designs on one’s face. For a girl who always backed away slowly when approached by a frighteningly cheerful person offering to airbrush rainbows or teddy bears on her cheek, I find these decorative swirlies oddly appealing.

Second, when I wear these designs out in public, people ask if they’re tattooed on. My reaction the first time this happened was along the lines of, “Do they think I look like the kind of person who would tattoo this… Oh. Yeah. I guess I do.” Weird…

Third, there is no way to blend into the background when I have blue or black swirls drawn halfway across my face. This is probably fairly obvious to everyone else, but it was a slightly shocking thought to me today. I forgot to feed the parking meter before I went into the library, and so I had to slip out halfway through my visit to tend to that. At least, I intended to slip out. That is my general habit—just slip through and maybe no one will notice that I just left and came back again. And then I realized that I was wearing obvious makeup and everyone probably saw me go past both times. Huh.

There’s this strange disconnect between my makeup and the rest of the world. I don’t wear it to attract attention to myself. I drew blue swirlies on my face this morning because I thought it would be fun. I didn’t actually intend to go out into the world and have anyone see them. In fact, I tend to forget that I’m wearing odd makeup when I’m interacting with people unless they mention it. Then my mental image of myself clicks over with a jolt into what they’re actually seeing.

I think it boils down to this: I’m not used to looking as freaky odd on the outside as I am on the inside. (Unless you count nice, sweet, conservative girl as freaky odd.) I’m used to being able to pretend to be quiet and polite for as long as I want to. I am well accustomed to being the little girl who impresses her elders and is overlooked by her peers. Now suddenly (well, not really so suddenly) the things I wear ‘just because they’re pretty’ are turning that on its head as soon as I step out my door.

I’m not sure I have any interesting conclusions to draw from any of this. I mean, I already knew I was freaky odd. I just keep forgetting that other people can tell that more easily than they used to…

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lonely conversation
wandering through weather
to find its way home

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I have recently discovered that I am a hopeless romantic. I love watching people fall in love; I love watching people who are in love. I like watching the awkward newly-weds and I like watching the sweet old couple. I don’t like the genre of Romance, but I delight in love stories.

Last week I watched a truly great love story movie. The Italian movieThe Tiger and the Snow was co-written, directed and starred in by Roberto Benigni who also co-wrote, directed and starred in Life is Beautiful.

Roberto Benigni plays Attilo de Giovanni a professor of poetry in Rome. He’s vague, scatter-brained and excited about everything he does. Every night he dreams he is getting married to a beautiful woman, the woman of his dreams. And then at a poetry reading he meets this woman, Vittoria who is played by Roberto Benigni’s wife, Nicoletta Braschi. We find out that they have some history, but the movie doesn’t tell us what. He tries to have a romantic evening with Vittoria, but she slips away. He shows up at her house to tell her he won’t bother her anymore, that he’s through with her. Unless she doesn’t want that, of course. She just laughs and then gets on a plane for Baghdad where she’s collaborating on a book with another poet, a mutual friend of hers and Attilo. Attilo’s life goes on without her until he gets a phone call from his friend in Baghdad. The U.S. have just invaded. There was an explosion. Vittoria is dying. Attilo drops everything and rushes to her side.

The rest of the movie is this vague, scatter-brained poet in a war-zone trying to save a dying woman. The hospital doesn’t have the medicine she needs so he has to go hack something together that will work. Then she needs oxygen so he has to go find some while the bombs fall. And then, and then…. He never gives up and he never stops being excited and excitable. She needs him, so he’s there even if she doesn’t love him back. It’s wonderfully romantic. And then there’s a twist at the end.

The movie was delightful. When I saw a preview I thought it looked charming both for the story and the cinematography. The movie takes the time at the beginning to make us know Attilo. We see him with his daughters at a circus, we see him teaching a class, we see him being late to almost everything. He has almost exactly the same dream every single night. So when he gets dropped into a different and difficult setting we feel the harshness and his confusion. We get to see a little bit of how Attilo looks at the world by seeing what he focuses on and how he reacts. And since the main characters are all poets the dialogue is delightfully worded at times. It’s poetic without being flowery.

I give this movie four and a half out of five stars. It doesn’t get five stars because, well, I don’t like saying that things are perfect. I heartily recommend this movie if you, like me, can’t resist a good love story.

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“Oh, I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the invisible dolphin in front of you.”

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I’m hoping to get another renga started soon. I’m also hoping to have a smidge more participation than last time. (Well, I can dream, right? ) In light of that, I was curious as to the reasons people have for avoiding the renga.

Lack of interest? Is it just that it sounds boring or poetry (or at least Japanese poetry) just isn’t your thing? I can’t do much about that, but it might be interesting to find out why it sounds boring.

Lack of time? This is also a reasonable and acceptable excuse. I will not beat you about the head for using this excuse. Still, there’s no commitment to adding the renga. You can bop over and write a verse and then drop out entirely if life gets crazy. You can just read as we go, and add a verse if you happen to feel inspired by the last one. Or even just read along and drop a quick comment if you like it.

Lack of skill? In this case, simply shut up and go directly to the renga blog. Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating, but seriously, if you’re interested and just holding back because you don’t think you’d be good at it, you should come give it a try. None of us here are really experienced at collaborative Japanese poetry. It’s just fun. And, the collaborative aspect means that even if a few specific haiku are lacking in polish, the renga as a whole will likely be more interesting because they were included.

So, anyone up for some renga?

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I’m not sure why, but I think this haiku is for our A Flower for Mara playtest last night:

and once again
the ‘I love you’ dies
behind closed lips

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(I apologize in advance for all the people who don’t understand this blog post. My brother Seth has been working on a game which is probably better understood as an improvosational play. If you are out of the loop and you want to know more about A Flower For Mara go here and read everything in this category.)

Last night we played Seth’s new game A Flower For Mara. It was beautiful. We played with Raquel, Seth and I, Jana who is a new friend and four other people I know on varying levels of a bit. I was excited to be playing with this particular group because they were all people I want to know better.

Seth told the group at the beginning to do the obvious. Often when you try to be clever you just end up being dumb, but if you do what seems to you as blindingly obvious it’ll sing more often than not. What I hadn’t realized is that seeing what someone thinks is obvious is a wonderful way to get to know him on an experience and assumption level. It’s hard to tell someone your assumptions because they aren’t things you think; they are things you assume without thinking. But when the characters were sitting around the table at the funeral dinner and one of them brought up the matter of family heirlooms that now needed to be divided up I could see where the player has come from and some things he’s had to deal with. It isn’t anything he would have thought to tell me in conversation. “Oh, and by the way, in my experience a funeral is the time for the rest of the family to squabble over the dead person’s stuff and I don’t like it.” It might have happened, but I think it’s unlikely. But now I know. I know him better. This happened with each of the players at different times. I found out a little or a lot more about them and what has gone into making them the way they are.

I was glad that everybody decided to trust each other with our sorrow. Sometimes trust is earned through a long process of giving a bit, seeing how someone deals with it and if he does well giving a bit more. Or sometimes trust is a decision. I decided to trust these people with some of my sorrow and I hoped they would trust me. When they did I tried to be gentle with their sorrow and I am very glad to say they were gentle with mine. And now the long process won’t take quite so long. We’ve taken the first three, four or five steps along the way.

Something else I noticed was our laughter. Some things were honestly humorous and some things were painfully funny. There was too much truth is some statements to take all at once so we would laugh together to get over the first bump of understanding. Sometimes laughter is almost as sacred as tears and it can bind together the same way.

Thank you, Seth, for being vulnerable enough to make this game. I know it hit close to home. Thank you to the group for a fine evening. I’m glad we had a chance to craft this experience together. I hope it blessed you as much as it did me.

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not quite alone
I have the company
of silence and shadows

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I am not one of those people who compulsively search through someone’s blogroll every time their blog loads on my computer. I am going to assume that none of you, dear readers, are either. If you are then you will already have noticed that some links have been added. I added a link to my sister Adiel’s photo blog which I suggest you check out and be amazed by. And my father has fallen from his pristine status of “Blogless” and has joined us poor fools out here in blogland. I would suggest you go check out his sermon blog. In fact, I am suggesting this very thing.

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