A Road Less Travelled

I have an unusual relationship with the roads in Peoria. The relationship is unusual in that I actually know what the main roads are called and, more or less, where they go. This is unusual for me at least because in Erie I didn’t know many roads even though I’d grown up there. I knew how to get places, but I couldn’t give directions because I didn’t know what any of the roads were named. I knew that you turned left at the gas station and drove until you were supposed to turn right. Y’know, at that place. When I moved to Peoria I actually needed to learn my way around and so I had to learn the names of the roads. And then I figured out the personalities of the roads. They make up an odd, peculiar, very very normal family of roads.

War Memorial is the big, burly brother of the pack. He knows where he’s been and where he going and how important he is. Everything else makes way for him. He would be arrogant if he weren’t so right about himself. War Memorial is the linebacker of the family.

Knoxville is the eldest sister. She’s warm, nurturing and a little flighty. Where she intersects with War Memorial is fraught with turmoil as they bicker and disagree. She is probably as important as War Memorial, but less dependable so she’s not given as much recognition.

University is the next youngest. He’s got a lot of hero worship for War Memorial and tries to be like him. He’s a lot more clever than his big brother, though. Less muscle, more brains. University has a lot of good things going for him, but he’s too caught up in not being like his brother than he often overlooks his own good qualities.

Glen and Lake are twins girls. They’re best friends, always together and a little rowdy. They look almost nothing alike, but since they’re together all the time most people get them confused. If you can figure out which is which and then get them interested in something they are very dependable, but all too often people spend all their time getting them confused.

Sheridan is the punk skater of the Road family. He’s small and wiry and often hangs out with a pretty rough crowd. But if you can get him on his own and make him feel comfortable this punk skater has a lot of good things to offer. He gets along real well with the twins Lake and Glen and never gets them confused.

Prospect is the elderly father of the family. He is a dapper, old gentleman, built more like Sheridan than War Memorial. He’s learned to slow down and enjoy where he’s going so often he looks like an eccentric, but this road holds a lot of wisdom. He’s very pleased to be a road and has never wished to be anything else.

Main St. is Prospect’s counterpart, the elegant, finely coiffed battle ax of the family. She looks very elegant and has a lot of history, but she’s hard as nails. She doesn’t cover as much territory as most of her children, but she has a lot of experience with where she is.

Sterling is Father Prospect’s brother, the crazy uncle of the family. He’s a little set apart from the rest of the family and I think they prefer it that way. He begins right outside of a junky used car lot and runs along his merry way until he bumps into War Memorial. There’s great confusion where they meet and by the time they get it all sorted out Sterling has vanished. It’s just the way he is.

There are other roads in Peoria to be sure, but they play lesser roles in the family. Forest Hill, for example, is one of Sheridan’s skater friends. He’s pretty cool, but he’s trying just a little too hard sometimes. Oddly enough I-74 had no place in the family. It’s not even the robot butler. It’s just a road. Pioneer Park, however, is the new family pet. He’s barely housebroken, but still they’re all very fond of him.

I can’t say yet whether knowing the roads’ personalities will help with giving directions or knowing my way around. But at least I know their names and could turn you to turn right on University, left on War Memorial and then right again at, um, well, there’ll be a gas station on your right and a sign that says Famous Footwear. Yeah, turn there.