A Road Less Travelled

I went, I had fun, I came back tired. That sounds pretty typical for a vacation to me. It was great to get away and stop and think. And then I stopped thinking and went on some roller coasters.

I kept a journal of sorts of what I was pondering while I was traveling, but after we left our rural paradise hide-away I wasn’t writing as much so you’ll get my slow, sleepy thoughts from the beginning of the trip and then nothing from the end. Sorry. My bad. I also decided to include the musings on my life I mused. Enjoy!

May 12, 2008

What is it about rural hideawaya that attract me so? I am a diehard city girl. I love the city and find much that is beautiful about it. And yet whenever the time comes for me to take a vacation I end up out in the middle of no where in some rural paradise. Through no fault of my own, either. I have no say whatsoever is where we go, but I end up out here anyway. I shouldn’t like it so much. I should be totally freaked out by all the different noises and by the quality of silence you find. I should be freaked out by the wide open spaces and by being surrounded by trees and not buildings. The aloneness, the separation, the isolation should bother me. But it’s so green here.

It’s not silent just like the city is never silent, but you can find a sort of silence in the noise. Right now the wind is playing with a set of large wind chimes which is something I could find in the city, but behind the wind chimes is some sort of frog out on the pond. The winds sounds different when it moves through the trees; the light slants differently when it hits nothing man-made. The whole world smells of green and water, the smell of a pond well circulated. The wind has more space to play with as it comes to caress my skin. It’s lovely out here. It’s a different lovely than my beloved city and it is perfect for a vacation. Tomorrow I hope to romp through those trees I see over there and there is talk of fishing in that pond. I see tall grass and I hear a cow off somewhere. Maybe I’ll go find it tomorrow and ask it to describe the day to me. This city girl would love to get a native’s opinion of rural paradise.

May 13, 2008

It’s breakfast time. I was thinking I would write a tale from an idea I had, but the outside is calling me. It’s odd because the outside doesn’t usually call me. Maybe because there isn’t really much to do once I get outside back home. Here there are trees and there is green, green grass.

May 13, 2008 Later

I think the thing I like most about vacation is the ability to do one thing at a time. I’m so used to doing two, three or more things at a time that doing one thing is pure luxury. I went fishing today and I just stood on a pier and watched a bobber in the water. I watched that bobber with an intensity and focus that I would not have thought quite possible. The only thing on my mind was that bobber and any fish that might be munching on my hook. I was doing one thing and one thing only. Just now I was outside watching lightning. And that was all I was doing.

May 13, 2008 Blog Post Idea

I caught a fish today. Actually I caught three. And then I learned how to clean a fish and I cleaned two. It was really slimy.

I think I could get used to fishing. When I was younger we’d go fishing when we were camping and I didn’t like it, but I really liked it today. I think it’s because I only had one thing to do and I could focus everything on that one thing. With five children running around our house I usually end up doing two, three or more things at a time. And then multi-tasking like that becomes habit and it’s hard to only do one thing. Sure there were still things going on around me when I was fishing and every now and then I had to stop what I was doing and help with something or other, but there were large chunks of time when I had a rod in my hands that I just had to stand and watch a bright colored bobber. It was delightful. Even my thoughts slowed down until I was only thinking about fish and even that was lethargic and slow. It was delightful. I could get used to it.

May 15, 2008

It’s a peculiar feeling to be on vacation. I have to watch myself sometimes because if I get back into the habit of doing then I’m not sure I’ll be able to snap back out and Theresa so wants me to have a vacation. I changed Margary’s diaper this evening and I felt like maybe I shouldn’t have because Theresa didn’t want me to. It was a quick thing and I don’t think it did any irreparable harm so I’m not going to fret about it, but it was a bizarre feeling.

Yesterday I took Samuel fishing. We weren’t going to keep the fish, but he enjoyed catching them so much that we went anyway. I was in charge of pulling the fish hooks out. It was not fun. It is a new and a not entirely pleasant feeling to have to pull a barbed hook out of a living creatures mouth. I tried to be gentle, but there’s only so much I could do sometimes. And when the fish had gotten it stuck in his nostril I almost threw it back, hook and all just so I wouldn’t have to pull it out. After three or four fish I told Samuel I was done and that if he wanted to catch anymore he would have to pull the hook out himself.He was totally fine with this and even caught and dehooked one more, but then he accidentally caught the hook in the tree and Peter, in an effort to be helpful, hopelessly snarled the line. We agreed that we were done fishing and packed it away.

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I like being useful. I like how people look at me when I’m helpful and I like surprising people. I like the startled look when I hand someone exactly what he wanted before he finishes or even starts the request. I like going over a to-do list with someone and saying “I got that” to everything. Because I enjoy the feeling I get from the action does that make the action less holy or good somehow? I try to help people because people need help and I was given a gift to see, but is it still ministry if I enjoy the feeling I get afterwards? Do I push myself so hard because I have a calling or because I’m chasing a buzz?

It’s tricky and it feels like it all comes back to being able to do the work without carrying the responsibility and being able to enjoy the happy glow without chasing it as an end.