A Road Less Travelled

I’ve been thinking some more about growing up and I think I’ve figured out another key distinction between children and adults. A major difference between being a child and being an adult is which side of the protective hedge you’re standing on.

When I was a child I stood behind a line of people who protected and defended me from the horrors of the world. My parents and others lovingly and carefully sheltered me from the hurts I couldn’t yet handle. I often think of the concept of being sheltered in a negative way because of some people I’ve met who were so sheltered that they really couldn’t cope with the world as it is, but I do believe that children should be sheltered. There is so much that children are not ready to bear. Their shoulders are too small and their vision of the world is too undeveloped. They are not ready to defend themselves and they shouldn’t have to. Children should have that circle of people who stand facing out at the world ready to defend the child that stands behind them. Over time, the defenders let more and more of the hurts past so that the child can learn how to deal with it while he’s still being protected. And then that child should grow up and step up to the line and be ready to be the protection and defense of someone else.

When I moved here I had a lot of growing up to do. One thing I had to get a grip on was being the protector and not expecting to be protected. I’m not completely unprotected because I have a wonderful father and a slew of brothers both biological and unofficially adopted. (I’ve said before that for someone so very single I sure have a lot of men in my life.) But within that protection I have a responsibility to the children I live with and the nieces and nephews I’ve adopted. I stand with my face to the world and the children behind me and if something wants to come hurt them it has to come through me among others.

I felt this keenly while Seth and Crystal were gone. They left their children with me to care for and protect. At some point during each day I would mentally prepare myself for what I’d need to do if someone broke in. It was a terrifying thing to contemplate. In the scenarios I ran it was the middle of the night and someone evil was coming upstairs. If that had happened it would have been my responsibility to defend the children. There’s no way I could have expected one of them to defend me; that’s not how it works. We take care of them and teach them how to defend others until the day comes that they are no longer children. At that point they join us on the line and help us defend those who stand behind us.