A Road Less Travelled

For some reason being sick makes me really chatty. About being sick, that is. Usually when I’m sick I don’t like talking about much of anything else. Thursday I had a really sore throat and felt a head cold coming on. I spent most of Friday lying around being sick. By Saturday night I had an ear infection.

There is something very humbling about an ear infection. In the depths of my head bacteria thrive and grow. And their oh so minuscule presence throws my entire world off. The infection messes with my balance, my hearing, even my ability to speak.

It’s hard to explain how I hear things when I have an ear infection. It’s not that everything is muffled nor is it that everything is amplified. Rather, it’s more like the wrong things are amplified. Certain pitches are extremely painful where other pitches are normal and still more pitches are hard to catch. I’m not scientifically minded enough to conduct experiments while I have ear infections to see what pitches are affected, nor are science experiments the first or second thing I want to do when I have an ear infection, so it’s always a fun surprise to see what hurts and what doesn’t.

My own voice is one sound that is consistently amplified. It’s to the point where I max out my own loud tolerance just by having a conversation. A day combining an ear infection and being the sole adult around the house, like, say, yesterday, was very difficult. Either I would speak in a voice of command which left me grabbing my head against the sensory overload or I would speak softly, the child wouldn’t hear me and I would have to repeat myself thus again overloading my poor ears. Eventually, I started whispering. I felt so silly. I was whispering so I wouldn’t hurt my ears, but the children could yell all they wanted to and I would be fine. How ridiculous is that?

Also, I feel like I need a new vocabulary just to talk about sensations during an ear infection. Loud noises don’t hurt, per say. They’re just overpowering. The sensation ends up in the same place as pain and I classify it as pain, but I can’t actually point to anything that hurts. Most of the time my ear will hurt which is almost a relief because then I can say, “Ow” with no confusion or fear of miscommunicating. But even when there’s no actual pain I will put my hand to my ear and say “Ow”. I feel silly because then people look at me all sympathetic because my ear hurts, but it doesn’t. Well, mostly not anyway. It’s a completely different sensation from pain and I still say “Ow” because it still hurts.

See, being sick is just so humbling. It confuses us where we think we’re strong and busts up our very well organized thought processes. We are reminded that we came from the dust and we are forced to notice how fragile we are. We run to the end of our vocabulary to describe sensations and have to peer over the edge hoping for more words. Your head overbalances, your voice is too loud and relaying a simple thought is a monumental feat. And now I think I’ve learned my humility, thank you. Can I be done now?