A Road Less Travelled

Last night Raquel and I went out to dinner as sort of a “You’re leaving for two and a half weeks so we should do something fun” celebration. We went to FlatTop Grill then wandered over to Borders that was having a fun clearance sale. I found Eats, Shoots and Leaves in the clearance box and clutched it to me as if someone were going to take it from me. If there had been a different crowd in the store I might have been in danger, but as it was there weren’t many people planning on beating me to the ground and running off with a book about punctuation. Makes me concerned for our country, you know?

After Borders we went to WalMart in search of Back to School sales. It was almost embarrassing. I didn’t have much money to spend there, but I kept geeking out over school supplies and adding stuff to the pile in my arms. After a minute I would put it back and find something else to drool over. Like staplers. Or Sharpies. Or mechanical pencils. For some reason I kept coming back to the mechanical pencils. I had to say out loud several times “I have mechanical pencils. I don’t need mechanical pencils”, but I wouldn’t listen to myself. I had to put several packages of mechanical pencils back while we were there. When we went to check out the cashier asked if we were students. Raquel said, quite truthfully, “No, we just like school supplies.” He didn’t believe us. He said, “Yeah, I can be sarcastic, too.” We tried to explain that really, we were just geeky about these things, but he wouldn’t listen.

We knew we needed to get milk sometime that evening so after WalMart we headed out to get milk, but first we stopped by Kade’s. I was going to get a decaf mocha Kadecino which is like a coffee drink with ice cream. I was so excited. I was childishly excited. Even the hassle of navigating construction traffic to get to Kade’s couldn’t put a damper on my excitement. So we pull into the drive through and I’m bouncing in my seat excited. The guy comes to the window. Ooh, so happy! I’m gonna get a Kadecino! He opens the window and says, “I’m sorry, ladies, but we were just closing.”

Despair.

I was pleasant to him cause it’s not his fault the people who run the place close at 9 like they say on the sign. And it’s not his fault that we got there at 9:03. But as soon as he’d closed the window and we pulled out I gave vent to the deep agony tearing at my soul. I think I said something like “But I wanted a Kadecino!” in a really whiny voice.

No matter, no matter, we would simply have to soldier on without a decaf mocha Kadecino. I was all prepared to do without when I remembered there was a Steak and Shake close by. A shake was like a Kadecino, right? The only problem was I was now in the wrong lane turning in the opposite direction on a road full of construction road blocks. Still, I was optimistic- I gave up on the whole idea. But then I saw the golden arches off in the distance. Off in the distance in the direction we were currently traveling, I should say.

There! I said. Or maybe Raquel thought of it. Yes, now that I think of it it was Raquel’s idea. Which was gracious of her because she didn’t want a coffee drink to begin with. She was thinking maybe she would get a smoothie, but that was more to keep me company than anything. And now she was pointing out new and different places she could not be that excited about going to. Really, it was very sweet.

I figured out how to get to the golden arches shining out through the dark. This is no mean trick because these golden arches reside in Peoria, Il, the land of “You can see it, but you can’t get to it.” But get to it we did and we pulled into the drive through. I was excited again. Now I was going to order an iced decaf mocha bliss. It sounded complicated, it sounded girly and I was going to say it with a straight face. Any minute now I was going to say it. Any minute. Eventually we moved to the other lane that didn’t have a minivan in it that was no doubt full of children who kept changing their minds. It was a good choice. The new lane moved quickly, almost as quickly as a fast food drive through. We get up to the funky speaker/microphone thing and Raquel relays her order through me. And now is my moment. I lean in and I say “And may I have a medium decaf iced mocha?”

Very polite, I thought. Clear, concise, polite. Yes, as ordering went I was very pleased with myself. But the person on the other end took issue with my order. “We can’t do that in decaf.” I was incredulous enough that she went and asked her manager (that’s what she said she did anyway. I wouldn’t surprised if she’d just turned off her microphone and hummed for a minute), but he was adamant. She said, “None of the iced coffees can be in decaf.” Okay, weird, but okay. So then I ordered a hot decaf mocha. This’ll do it, I thought. Surely this is me weaseling a decaf mocha out of them right under their noses. But no, of course, I was wrong. But now she was kinda snippy. She said, “No, ma’am, I told you. We can’t do that in decaf! None of the mochas can be in decaf.”

Raquel confirmed later that she’d previously said that none of the iced coffees could be in decaf and so my second order made perfect sense. I toyed with getting a caffeinated iced mocha and just not sleeping last night, but Raquel suggested we just cancel the order and leave. So we did and we headed out once again to get milk.

I was peeved. I was really loudly peeved actually. All of my excited-over-a-Kadecino energy was now floating around my body looking for something to do so I talked loud and long about how I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get a decaf mocha. Raquel said some random things about it being a mix or something ridiculous like that, but I was convinced it was a conspiracy. But then I remembered! Up ahead, in the direction we were traveling, there was a Steak and Shake. Shakes are still an awful lot like Kadecinos.

So we got shakes. They weren’t mocha, but they were Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate and were very tasty. And by the time we got to the Steak and Shake Raquel had had enough time on the hunt to realize she did want a shake so I wasn’t stuck drinking alone.

Someday I will have a decaf mocha Kadecino. On that day I will dance in the parking lot. Perhaps it’s a good thing for Raquel that I didn’t get one last night.