Plodding on (Raquel)
September 25, 2009 by sharppointythings
I woke up this morning with a slight sore throat and general ‘I might be getting sick’ feeling. And I started thinking that if I got sick I’d have an excuse to just go back to bed and not do anything.
It’s not that life is that hard right now. If life were hard, at least I’d have an excuse. If there were some obstacle to overcome, people would gather round and tell me it was okay. But life is just putting one foot in front of the other, and moving forward, and right now I’m tired of it.
And thank you very much, if you’re going to tell me that that’s just life as a grown up, I really don’t want to hear about it. I know that, okay? I’m doing it.
I’m washing dishes, and studying, and excavating layers of clutter from my room, and beginning to poke at unfinished projects to see if I can finish them. And I am moving forward, it’s just one step at a time, and I’m not so good at the slow progress process.
Sunday I just wanted to curl up and cry somewhere, and hope that someone came to make it all better. And I pulled out of myself long enough to realize that nothing was actually wrong, and maybe there was something better to do with my time. So, I went and chatted, and poured out the tale of my couponing woes, and walked in the rain, and cleared tables.
And I still didn’t accomplish anything spectacular, but I knew that a few years ago I couldn’t do that. Being miserable for no reason was just being miserable and I hadn’t figured out how to pull out of it.
So that whole ‘one step at a time’ process really does get somewhere. It’s good to know that when I’m plodding along, feeling like I’m not getting anywhere. But I have to say, I still don’t like it.
I’m not sure exactly what it is that you have, but I prescribe one cup of decaf mocha taken before bed as the cure.
In case of a serious outbreak, a prolonged vacation to somewhere warm and sunny.
Yeah, sometimes I almost wish for a catastrophe to hit just so people would finally notice my struggling and help out. I stumbled upon this quote last year and I continue to find it helpful- especially the final paragraph.
A quote from John Piper’s essay, “Talking to Your Tears:”
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” Psalm 126:5-6
“This psalm teaches the tough truth that there is work to be done whether I am emotionally up for it or not, and it is good for me to do it. Suppose you are in a season of heartache and discouragement, and it is time to sow seed. Do you say, ‘I can’t sow the field this spring, because I am brokenhearted and discouraged’? If you do that, you will not eat in the winter. Suppose you say instead, ‘I am heartsick and discouraged. I cry if the milk spills at breakfast. I cry if the phone and doorbell ring at the same time. I cry for no reason at all, but the field needs to be sowed. That is the way life is. I do not feel like it, but I will take my bag of seeds and go out in the fields and do my crying while I do my duty. I will sow in tears.’
If you do that, the promise of this psalm is that you will ‘reap with shouts of joy.’ You will ‘come home with shouts of joy, bringing your sheaves with you,’ not because the tears of sowing produce the joy of reaping, but because the sheer sowing produces the reaping. We need to remember this even when our tears tempt us to give up sowing.”
Good words, Adiel. Thanks.
I’m kinda going through similar emotions, Raquel. It’s rough.
Hugs…
Crystal
Colton–I like that prescription rather a lot.
Thank you!
Adiel–That’s beautiful, and exactly what I needed to hear. I try to keep you in prayer even when I don’t know of a specific reason, because I figure your life’s kind of stressful even on a good day.
Crystal–Hugs back. Been praying for you, too…