A Road Less Travelled

Well, it’s about that time again; the time when I don’t want to bother composing an interesting blog post about my life, but have found a song which fits well with my life right now (i.e. is smacking me upside the head about something), and therefore post the lyrics for everyone to mark as read on their rss feed reader.

My favorite line right now is: “You don’t have to change the world, just trust in Me.” Being rather inclined to want to go change the world, I get frustrated with my life way too easily. I get frustrated that I’m not doing anything big, and then I get frustrated that I couldn’t anyway, because I’m not doing so well at the small things. I think, I’m supposed to do better than this, because I’m supposed to go change the world, right? Um. No.

So, that’s the short version of the post I wasn’t planning to write… And here are the lyrics:

No Lord, he said, you’ve got the wrong guy.
Simple conversation gets me tongue-tied.
And you’re telling me to speak with a maniac king.
Could it be I’ve lost my mind?
And besides, I am weak, don’t you want someone strong,
To lead them out of Egypt when they’ve been there so long?
And anyway, they wont believe You ever spoke to me.
That’s not your problem, God replied.
And the rest is history.

‘Cause, there’s a bigger picture,
And you don’t have to change the world.
I’m your creator, I am working out my plan.
And through you, I will show them,
There’s a bigger picture, you can’t see.
You don’t have to change the world, just trust in me.
I’m your creator, I am working out my plan,
And through you, I will show them, I Am.

–I Am, Ginny Owens

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This is the first part of East to West, by Casting Crowns. The rest of the lyrics are here.

Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

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“It is my own belief…that every good and beautiful thing which man has produced in the world has been the result of his faulty and sin-blocked response to the creative Voice [of God] sounding over the earth. The moral philosophers who dreamed their high dreams of virtue, the religious thinkers who speculated about God and immortality, the poets and artists who created out of common stuff pure and lasting beauty: how can we explain them?… Could it be that a genius is a man haunted by the speaking Voice, laboring and striving like one possessed to achieve ends which he only vaguely understands? That the great man may have missed God in his labors, that he may even have spoken or written against God does not destroy the idea I am advancing.” A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

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There is a saying that goes something like “Before enlightenment- chopping wood and hauling water. After enlightenment- chopping wood and hauling water.” It is very true.

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I think I found my new theme song. I’ve always wanted my own theme song, and while I’ve used, say, Ride of the Valkyrie as a temporary theme song on occasion, I’ve never found one that really fits. This one doesn’t cover all the bases either, but it seems to suit this stage of my life. (Unfortunately it’s a country music song so Gabrielle can’t share my excitement at this discovery, even though it shares it’s name with our blog.)

Here it is, with some of my musings interspersed:

There’s a road a winding road that never ends
Full of curves lessons learned at every bend
Goin’s rough unlike the straight and narrow

This is the only line that doesn’t fit exactly. My association is that the straight and narrow is the road less traveled, but I don’t think that’s the point he’s trying to make. Life goes unexpected places when you’re not following The Plan. Sometimes those unexpected variations are obvious from the outside, and sometimes they’re simply the very painful, necessary lessons that get dropped in your lap when you’re not expecting them.

It’s for those who go against the grain
Have no fear dare to dream of a change live to march to the beat of a
different drummer
And it all might come together
And it all might unraveled
On the road less traveled

I still haven’t figured out why this resonates so much: “It all might come unraveled”. Perhaps it’s just the uncertainty that comes from leaving behind The Plan. What am I supposed to be doing with my life right now? How is this supposed to work exactly? Am I ever really going to get married? Even when I’ve managed to delve out the answers, it doesn’t feel quite as ’safe’ as simply following society’s expectations on the path that thousands of people have already worn smooth.

For the road less traveled ain’t for the faint of heart
For those who choose to play it safe and never stray too far
Me I want to live my life and one day leave my mark

How much is pride I don’t know, but I do know that’s part of what I want: to leave my mark. To say, “Look, there is a trail here. I might not have a slick guidebook like you can get for the main highway, but I can show you my notes and maybe you’ll get some ideas.”

And it all might come together
And it all come unraveled
On the road less traveled

And maybe my life won’t go the ‘right’ way. Maybe I never will get married, and maybe no one will ever look at my life and see anything worth doing. Maybe the weeds will grow up behind me and no one will ever see my path at all. But this is where I am, and I believe I’m doing something worth doing, even if it doesn’t come out the way I thought it was supposed to.

I’ve chosen a pathway I may not endure
One thing’s for certain nothing for sure
And it all might come together
And it all might come unraveled
On the road less traveled

There’s one more difference I didn’t notice in listening to song. I’ve chosen a pathway that I will endure, because the guiding principle is this, that I will follow my King wherever he leads me. So even if I hit a detour, or the road trails off, or horror of horrors, meets up with a major highway, I will keep going because He’s not going to leave me behind.

For the road less traveled ain’t for the faint of heart
For those who choose to play it safe and never stray too far
Me I want to live my life and one day leave my mark
And it all might come together
And it all come unraveled
On the road less traveled

So I keep going. I don’t know for sure where my path is leading. But by God’s grace I will follow it no matter how much it hurts, or how dumb I look along the way, or how often I just plain fail. And in the end, the path leads to heaven, but if the path means following my King and living for Him, it doesn’t really end there either…

There’s a road winding road that never ends

–The Road Less Traveled by George Strait

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 ”There are times when it is nourishing to scrub a tub until it sparkles or wax and polish the floors until the smell of wax takes over. Polishing your brass scale until it comes up to a pale yellow shine or caring for your plants or washing a lovely piece of crystal can be a delightful exercise. Even getting ice out of a tray can be rewarding if you’re receptive to the beauty of the crystal clear cubes, more interesting than lucite because they’re alive.”

Style for Living: How to Make Where You Live You, Alexandra Stoddard

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Now, I am very aware that Bob Marley was not a Christian. He was a Rastafarian. And I know that the song “Is This Love” is a romantic love song. It’s really very sweet. But even so the song still seems to apply to this household God has brought together. Especially to our relationship with Kathey. Especially when I am awoken in the middle of the night because she needs some help.

I wanna love you
And treat you right
I wanna love you
Everyday and every night
We’ll be together
With a roof right over our heads
We’ll share the shelter
Of my single bed
We’ll share the same room
Cause Jah provides the bread

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I just finished reading Ender’s Shadow (a parallel novel to Ender’s Game which I wrote about last February). While I enjoyed Ender’s Shadow at least as much as the first book I am not in the mood to analyze and explain why. Instead I will merely quote for you a couple of the parts that most resonated with me.

“He (Ender) walked down the corridor lined with his soldiers, who looked at him with love, with awe, with trust. Except Bean, who looked at him with anguish. Ender Wiggin was not larger than life, Bean knew. He was exactly life-sized, and so his larger-than-life burden was too much for him. And yet he was bearing it. So far.”

“I would carry some of it if I could, Bean said silently. Like I did today, you can turn it over to me and I’ll do it, if I can. You don’t have to do this alone.

Only even as he thought this, Bean knew it wasn’t true….Ender was was what Bean only wished to be–the kind of person on whom you could put all your hopes, who could carry all your fears, and he would not let you down, would not betray you.

I want to be the kind of boy you are, thought Bean. But I don’t want to go through what you’ve been through to get there.

And then…he almost laughed as he thought, I don’t want to have to through what I’ve gone through to get here, either.”

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 I cried when I heard this song. It’s almost a perfect fit for my life right now… except it feels more like I already got dragged over the side of the boat and I’m desperately trying to just keep my head above water, so of course I’m failing at everything else I should be doing.

 I knew there was something wrong with this train of thought. I just couldn’t quite refute it until I listened to this song.

 

“Voice of Truth”

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
on to the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy, you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they’d have had the strength to stand

But the giant’s calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I’ve tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. “Boy you’ll never win!”
“You’ll never win!”

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don’t seem so high
On top of them lookin’ down
I soar with the wings of EAGLES
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the Voice of Truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe-

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you, you are-

Casting Crowns– “Voice of Truth” 

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Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
- WH Auden

There are certain people who I know can always make me laugh whether I want to or not, but it always surprises me when I make someone else laugh. It’s as though I’m being offered this unexpected power which has always belonged to those somehow above me–the grownups.

And now this whole confusing package of adulthood has bestowed to me the power of causing laughter. It seems that other aspects of growing up should be the ones that stop me in my tracks. The bigger challenges, or at least abilities of more import should be the changes that make such a difference. But instead I stand amazed at a few tiny scraps of laughter. For some reason, I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.

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